Gravier Gets a Babysitter
by Merickson
Summary: The epic follow-up to the script "Gravier and the Circus."


INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING

Mommers stands near the front door wearing a dress.

MOMMERS  
(calling out)  
Dadders! What's taking you so  
long? We gotta go!

She starts walking toward a hallway entrance, stopping when  
she steps on a toy car.

MOMMERS  
Damn it. Gravier!

Gravier walks in from the hallway.

GRAVIER  
Mommers, can I have some of that  
Alka-Seltzer candy?

MOMMERS  
Not until bedtime, and pick up your  
car!

GRAVIER  
Oh all right.

Gravier picks up the toy car.

MOMMERS  
(calling out)  
Dadders, hurry up!

Dadders walks in from the hallway, dressed in a tuxedo. His  
hair is drenched in black paint that drips everywhere.

DADDERS  
What gray hair? I don't know  
anything about any gray hair.

MOMMERS  
Finally. Let's get the hell out of  
here.

DADDERS  
Olive Garden here we come!

Dadders and Mommers walk out the door. Gravier just stands  
in place for a moment. Dadders and Mommers walk back in.

MOMMERS  
Oh, Gravier, we're going out to  
dinner. A babysitter is coming to  
look after you.

GRAVIER  
What? But I don't need a  
babysitter!

DADDERS  
You keep breaking your leashes, so  
yes you do.

The doorbell rings.

MOMMERS  
That must be her.

Mommers opens the door. JAN, a frazzle-haired young woman in  
a dirty sweatshirt, walks in.

JAN  
(shrieking)  
Hi! I'm Jan the babysitter!

MOMMERS  
Hello, Jan!

DADDERS  
What's up, Jan? This is Gravier.  
Say hello, son.

GRAVIER  
I don't like Jan! Silly old Jan!  
Silly, silly, silly!

Gravier throws the toy car on the floor. Jan laughs  
maniacally.

DADDERS  
See? Jan knows how to have a good  
time. Give her a chance.

Gravier crosses his arms and looks down, frowning.

DADDERS  
There ya go.

MOMMERS  
Now Jan, be sure to give him his  
Alka-Seltzer when it's time for  
bed. It'll knock him right out.

Mommers hands Jan a slip of paper.

MOMMERS  
And if you have any trouble, just  
call this number and a guy will  
bring over a ton of Xanax.

Jan laughs again.

DADDERS  
Great. Now let's leave while he's  
busy sulking.

MOMMERS  
See ya!

Dadders and Mommers run out the door. Jan approaches  
Gravier.

JAN  
Hi, little boy!

Gravier continues looking down.

GRAVIER  
(muttering)  
Silly old Jan.

JAN  
What would you like to do tonight?

GRAVIER  
(muttering)  
Nothing.

JAN  
I know, we can go visit your  
friends Billy, Susie, and Jimmy.

Gravier looks up, confused.

GRAVIER  
But they went missing. I saw it on  
the news.

JAN  
They're not missing. They're all  
in my basement.

GRAVIER  
Are you their babysitter too?

JAN  
I am now. Forever. And if you get  
in my car I'll take you to see  
them.

Gravier smiles and excitedly raises his arms.

GRAVIER  
Yay!

Jan starts laughing again but is interrupted when Bubonic the  
rat lands on her shoulder and screeches.

JAN  
Agh! What is that?!

GRAVIER  
That's my rat. His name is  
Bubonic!

Jan pulls Bubonic off of her and throws him on the floor. He  
scurries away.

JAN  
Where did that thing come from?!

GRAVIER  
The trap door in the ceiling.

Jan looks up to see an ajar trap door in the ceiling. It  
opens fully, and Sissy the goblin drops out, knocking Jan to  
the floor. Jan screams.

SISSY  
Sissy hungry!

JAN  
What the hell?!

GRAVIER  
That's my sister, Sissy. She wants  
her ground beef.

SISSY  
Beef now! Yum!

Sissy runs at Jan. Jan screams and staggers back up, kicking  
Sissy away.

EXT. HOUSE

Dadders and Mommers stand in front of a tomato garden in the  
front yard.

DADDERS  
This isn't an olive garden at all!  
It's nothing but tomatoes!

Jan runs screaming out and away from the house. Dadders and  
Mommers don't notice.

MOMMERS  
I know. I didn't read the seed  
packet. I was hoping you wouldn't  
notice.

DADDERS  
(sighing)  
Well this was a disappointment.  
Let's go back inside.

INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM

Gravier and Sissy are jumping on the couch. Dadders and  
Mommers enter.

DADDERS  
Hey cool, they're still alive.

GRAVIER  
Dadders! Mommers! Jan ran away  
when she met Sissy.

MOMMERS  
Oh thank god. I was afraid she  
would ask for more money when she  
found out there was another one.

GRAVIER  
And she said all my friends who  
went missing were in her basement.

DADDERS  
She did? Mommers, I think it's  
time for us to tell Gravier the  
truth.

MOMMERS  
I suppose so.

GRAVIER  
Huh?

DADDERS  
Have a seat, son.

Gravier sits down on the couch.

MOMMERS  
Gravier, there's a reason your  
sister is a little different than  
you.

Gravier looks over at Sissy, who is chewing on the back of the  
couch.

GRAVIER  
She is?

MOMMERS  
Yes, and the reason is... you're  
adopted.

GRAVIER  
What does that mean?

DADDERS  
It means four years ago a girl got  
knocked up, and her parents forced  
her to give the kid away, so she  
gave him to us.

GRAVIER  
What does that mean?

MOMMERS  
We're not your real mommers and  
dadders.

GRAVIER  
Oh. Is Jan my real mommers?

MOMMERS  
Oh, no, I have no idea who that  
was. That was just some weirdo.  
But if a girl named Lizzy ever  
comes around and says that she  
wants to take you back, you tell  
her you don't know who Gravier is,  
and that your name is Roscoe and  
you were born in Alaska.

GRAVIER  
Okay!

DADDERS  
Now that that's out of the way, it  
looks like Jan left her car in the  
driveway, and I know someone who  
has just learned his A-B-Cs and one-  
two-threes who might be able to  
read out her license plate over the  
phone to the cops... but I'm still  
having trouble when I get up to  
seven, so you'll have to do it,  
Gravier.

GRAVIER  
Yay!

END


End file.
